Today is day four since the start of this. Despite it also being the anniversary of my grandmother's passing, it has been the first day that I have not woken up crying. My grandmother was a mother to me. I would love to speak to her.
When I told my own mother that I was miscarrying, her response was, "I'm thrilled!"
For whatever reason - being embarrassed, worried about my health, not believing that I could afford another child - whatever reason - reading those words I despised her. I was sitting, doubled over in pain whilst losing my baby to read that she was "thrilled" about it. We have had a tenuous relationship through the years. I don't know how I will get over this one.
I'm thrilled.
How. Can you say those words about the death of a life. The death of your own grand child. The death of your grand daughter's sibling. Your daughter's child. Could you not have chosen any other two words from the English language? Maybe added a few words onto those ones? Even if my baby was indeed a "sesame seed" - how could you be so heartless. What confuses me tremendously is that my mother is such a "sensitive" person. She will be devastated for friends who have gone through a miscarriage (what is the difference here - because it was planned? Because they were married? Because they new they were expecting for longer?). Does that really make a difference to the pain one would be feeling due to losing a part of you? Losing all those dreams for your future? It was still a part of me. It was still my child.
It had a beating heart.
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